Anyone can break their leg. I'm talking about an exercise derailment program that is so smooth you don't even know how it happened.
First, go on a cruise. Yes, plan to exercise regularly on the cruise. But the first time you jog on the treadmill be sure to get a nice big blister on your foot. That way you will be concerned about worsening the blister and won't be able to jog for a couple days for fear of making it difficult to even walk. Walking is important while on a cruise. Ships are not small. It is excellent logic.
That should get you out of your exercise routine nicely. Then after you have skipped a couple days due to the blister, and a couple more due to being out of the routine of exercising (not to mention being in a different time zone, which clearly has implications for waking up in time so that you don't have to choose between a morning jog or having eggs benedict), it is now the perfect time to catch the flu.
Now you get to spend the last three days of the cruise without exercising at all - guilt free! Of course you will be totally miserable, but that is a minor inconvenience if you are sticking to your exercise derailment guns.
On the night before you fly home across the country be sure to get as few hours of sleep as possible. This way when you fly home you will do so on minimal sleep. And since you find it almost impossible to sleep on an airplane it will rob your body of energy quite nicely. This will be important later. Oh, and make sure the flight leaves no sooner than 3 p.m. so you can enjoy the luxuries of an extremely crowded airport for numerous hours while waiting for your flight, all the while trying not to cough too much in front of people. Finally, make sure to drain the battery of your grandmother-in-law's Toyota Prius parked at your house so that upon finally arriving at home you can spend an extra hour or two figuring out what the problem is, first by changing the battery in the key (which you brilliantly do by having several new CR2032 batteries on hand and tracking down how to do it on the web) only to discover that the key still doesn't work at all so the car itself must be dead, and then you can work on how to jump start it without blowing up your neighborhood, since it does have a huge car-propelling-battery in there, after all, and you clearly don't know a thing about it, except that it must be huge and dangerous, and just waiting to explode. It is best if it is raining at this time, and much colder outside than it was on your cruise. Be sure to have a jacket on hand as well. This way you can have it on and burn up, take it off and freeze, repeat several times. Doing all this will help to maximize the potential for re-introducing your body to day-one-like flu symptoms the day after you return home.
After a few days of moping around, I mean, recovering from the flu and cruise (fluise?), attempt to go back to the gym. Now, when you do this, you will still be a little congested, sometimes coughing uncontrollably, so you won't be able to do much cardio workout without hacking all over everyone. You will need to do some weights instead. This is okay, because you've neglected doing weights for a while, so the sooner you get back to them the more likely you can avoid having to start all over again. Or so you think. In reality, you will attempt to do the same weight amounts and reps as you did nearly two weeks ago, and will probably strain some muscles. That is okay. Do this for a couple days. Maybe even three days, hitting all of your muscle groups. It can actually feel good when your muscles ache from lifting weights. It means lifting weights was productive and the muscles are rebuilding themselves.
Except when one of those muscles is your back. And somehow you know there isn't any one thing you did that actually hurt your back during those three days of weight lifting, but, at the same time, your back is now quite hurt. Yes, the same back that has given you big problems your entire adult life. This is the real key. Once you mess up your back, it will be extremely difficult to exercise in any way.
Mission accomplished.
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